Grief and Loss

Grief is the natural reaction to a loss; it can influence the physical, emotional, cognitive, behavioural, and spiritual aspects of our lives. Healthcare workers may experience this personally through the loss of a loved one, the loss of a patient, or they may be the support system for patients and their families going through grief and loss.

There is no “right way” to grieve, and no way of predicting how long the grieving period will or should last. Whilst grief is a normal response, emotional responses to the death of a loved one or a patient can vary greatly. While some may experience very strong or mixed-feelings, others might feel a ‘numbness’ – bereft of all feeling. For some, feelings of loss are debilitating and do not improve even after time passes. This is known as complicated grief. The grief is chronic and has a significant impact on the affected person.

Grief is an individual experience and people can respond to loss in a variety of ways. Below are some common reactions to grief, including that which might be experienced in response to a patient’s death:

• Shock and disbelief – is often felt immediately after a loss. It may be difficult to make sense or comprehend what has happened. You may feel physically or emotionally numb.
• Sadness – feeling like you can’t stop crying or can’t cry. You may have feelings of emptiness or despair.
• Anger – at God, the doctors, yourself, or another person, especially when you feel abandoned. You may feel the need to blame someone, feel angry at family members and their behaviour or at the many responsibilities that now need your attention.
• Relief – especially if you have been faced with a period of uncertainty, or after the loss of someone who has been in pain and/or suffering from a chronic illness.
• Guilt and remorse – for feeling relieved, or about something that you did – or didn’t – say or do.
• Preoccupation with the loss – In the case of losing a loved one, you might find yourself thinking a lot about the way they died or with material objects or possessions that remind you of them.
• Fear – of how you’ll cope, about your own mortality, of life without that person.

Grief is not just an emotional process. People who are grieving may also experience the following physical and behavioural symptoms:

Physical Symptoms:

• Confusion
• Difficulty concentrating
• Sleep disturbances
• Restlessness
• Tiredness/reduced energy
• Headaches/migraines
• Stomach upsets or feeling hollow in the stomach

Behavioural Symptoms:

• Social withdrawal or isolation
• Being over-protective of others
• Changes in diet
• Change in exercise routine
• Reduced self-care
• Increase in alcohol intake
• Drug / prescription misuse
• Risk taking

People cope with grief related to patient death in a variety of ways; whilst some people might prefer to talk openly about their experience, others may prefer some alone time. Others may prefer to just ‘get on with the job’. Below are some tips to cope with grief:

• Allow yourself time to grieve the loss of a patient – discuss options for support/time out with the appropriate person in your workplace
• Talk with others who share a similar experience (e.g., a colleague), but do not compare yourself to others and their responses to patient death
• Take care of your physical health (e.g., regular exercise, eat healthy, limit alcohol)
• Maintain normal sleep patterns or get plenty of rest even if you can’t sleep
• Practice relaxation activities, such as mindfulness
• Participate in enjoyable activities/hobbies
• Ask for help if you need it

Remember, while many people will learn strategies that help them to adjust to the loss of a patient with experience and time, some individuals may require additional assistance. If you would like to talk to someone further, you can contact the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) on 1800 099 044 or work@caraniche.com.au

Help is also available through:

• Your GP and Community Health Centre, if needed.
• A mental health care specialist such as a Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Counsellor or Social Worker. This can often be Medicare funded
• GriefLine (1300 845 745)
• Lifeline (13 11 14), Beyond Blue (1300 224 636) or MensLine (1300 78 99 78)
• The Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement (ACGB) (03 9265 2100 or www.grief.or

Remember, while many people will learn strategies that help them to adjust to a loss with experience and time, some individuals may require additional assistance.

If you are feeling like your life is becoming too difficult for you to manage because of your grief, it is time to seek some extra support.

If you would like to talk to someone further, you can contact the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) on 1800 099 044 or  work@caraniche.com.au 

Help is also available through:

• Your GP and community health centre, if
• A mental health care specialist such as a Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Counsellor or Social Worker. This can often be Medicare funded.
• GriefLine (1300 845 745)
• Lifeline (13 11 14), Beyond Blue (1300 224 636) or MensLine (1300 78 99 78)
• The Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement (ACGB) (03 9265 2100 or https://www.grief.org.au/

Many people report a number of positives about returning to work after a loss.

Returning to work;

• can give an important sense of routine,
• can establish a sense of normality,
• can give you a feeling of achievement and contribution, and
• can help you feel connected to and supported by your colleagues.

However it is also common to be worried about how to deal with your colleagues’ reactions to your loss and about getting emotional in front of others.

A common experience of those returning to work after a loss is having colleagues express sympathy and a desire to help. While this may help you to feel supported and connected, at the same time, it is normal if it raises questions for you about how to act around people offering help and concern.

It is important to remember that this is your loss and your grief and therefore you have a right to choose what support you do and don’t want. You do not owe anyone anything, so there is no need to put yourself under pressure to keep other people happy.

You may also encounter those who ignore your grief so it is helpful to understand the many reasons for this, including:-

• feeling confronted by the thought of loss and so feel scared to say anything
• worry that they will be overwhelmed and thus divert the conversation away from loss and grief
• worry that they will say the ‘wrong’ thing, so they would rather not say anything at all.

The below things may be helpful in responding to other people’s reactions to your loss:

1. Arrange to communicate with your colleagues before you return to work – this could simply be via email or arranging to meet for lunch one day. Doing this might help to have that initial conversation about the loss before you return to the workplace, so that your first day back might be easier.

2. Respond to your colleagues’ sympathy in a way that’s comfortable for you – People will often express things in words like “I’m sorry” and “I want to let you know I’m thinking of you”. If you do not want to talk about this, a simple “thank you” is all you need to give.

3. Respond to offers of help as you would like to respond – Some people may express something like “Let me know if there is anything I can do to help”, or “Would you like some help with…”. Again, you are in control over whether you would like to take up these offers. If you do not need what they are offering, a polite response of “Thank you, but I’m alright for now” is perfectly acceptable.

• Western Health Bereavement Booklet
• Grief is a journey, here is how to work your way through it – Superfriend